We accept the love we think we deserve.

She was in such a hurry that she began throwing the clothes inside the suitcase instead of placing them neatly, not noticing the car in the driveway. She was a neat-freak with hints of OCD, but right now, organization didn’t matter. What mattered was to get out as fast as possible. As she was rummaging through her drawers and closet, trying to fit enough clothes and anything of sentimental value she might want or need, the words her friend had told her rang in her head.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Clearly that line in the latest book her friend had read was meant for romantic love, but somehow it spoke to her. What type of love did she deserve? More importantly, what did she deserve? She was a hard working girl with decent grades and enough activities to be considered for the state schools. She went out with friends and occasionally drank never losing her sense of responsibility. She was pretty in an average kind of way and was exceptionally kind to her friends and family. She deserved better.

Once again the words rang in her head: We accept the love we think we deserve.

She was one of the few people to realize she deserved better at such a young age. How many stories had she read of wives, children and parents in comma or dead because they thought they deserved that? How many stories went untold?

As she closed the suitcase, she looked around the room one more time. That room had been her salvation, her safe place, but she knew it would be no more. Her safe place would be in her heart wherever she went. She deserved better love and that is what she was going to find even if it meant a lifetime of searching.

She started walking down the stairs hoping to get out as soon as possible. As soon as she set foot on the last step, the one that always creaked when someone walked by, she heard that voice; the voice she wished she would never hear again.

-Where do you think you are going?

After that, everything became blurry. Flashes of light and screaming haunted her for years to come. Her life was not the same after that day, yet she never forgot those words:

We accept the love we think we deserve.


*Quote taken from the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

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16 thoughts on “We accept the love we think we deserve.

  1. I can shed no real light on the premise of accepting the love we think we deserve except to say that it seems correct intuitively.In other areas of life we don’t tend to settle for less than we think we deserve so I’m not sure why anyone would do so for something so important.

  2. This was powerful – your last sentence actually made me cringe. From what I’ve read about abuse, the abuser first starts undermining the person’s self-worth, which then makes it easy for their victim to think they deserve nothing better. This is an important post and I’m glad you wrote it.
    Lenie

  3. Powerful words! Thank you for sharing. I like the visual you created by having an OCD person be in such a state that the OCD goes out the window.

  4. I think that is such a wonderful concept. It is very powerful when she leaves. How many times do we leave something for our own good, yet mourn it in a sense as we go?

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